Privilege and empathy

I recall many years ago watching a video of a social experiment...

Many people got lined up for a race, but before that the host made a few statements that allowed some to take 2 steps forward if, for example:

"both of their parents are still married"

"they never had to help mum and dad with the bills"

"they had access to private education"

That particular experiment focused mostly on socioeconomic status, but the full picture can often be much more complex. What if these statement were added:

"if you are white"

"if you are able-bodied"

"if you have never experienced bullying or harassment for your gender and sexuality"

"if your parents and community accept you as you are"

How far ahead of everyone else would you be before even starting the race? This doesn't indicate your value as a human being, but rather how much easier it is to thrive, be seen and how much harder you must work to achieve the same things as those with the above privileges.

In many psychological theories, including Adlerian, there’s this idea that we see mostly see life and everything about it through our own perspective. This often makes it difficult to understand how others are feeling, or to consider those less fortunate or different from us.

You may have heard yourself or others say "well, I have all this, and surely, because I do, other people could too—if they just tried hard enough". And so, we become blindsided by this belief that everyone could get what we have, as long as they worked hard. This is led by belief that if someone doesn't have the same opportunities - it's because they're lazy.

As a child I’ve often felt unfortunate. My environment wasn’t filled with riches or picture-perfect scenes worthy of Christmas ads. For a while I thought I've earned everything I had with hard work and persistence. However, at some point I started to recognize the privileges I had growing up. Safety, unconditional love, nourishment. I didn’t grow up in a hostile environment. The colour of my skin wasn’t seen as less. I received free education and free healthcare. And most importantly - I had a community that supported me and helped me thrive. I never realized that might be the greatest privilege of all.

To me challenging my privilege looked like stepping out of my self-bubble, trying understand and see the point of view of others. Instead of saying "they just need to try harder" I asked "what can I do to even out the race?"

I doubted my decision to provide support for LGBTQ+ community. It often seemed like a hypocritical aspiration of a privileged white girl who has never had to live through a struggle of a queer person. However, time and time again I was encouraged by people from the community that being a true ally is enough and I could still support, advocate for and empower those for those who so frequently have been unseen, unheard and pushed to the margins.

In my work it looks like exploring different challenges and hurdles you've faced, acknowledging your effort and unique strengths that helped you get where you are now and moving forward with the ability to utilize those strengths in order to connect and thrive.

To me, empathy is not just another skill that I apply in my counselling work. It is at the core of me as a human being.

If you are struggling to find a counsellor who understands or you feel frustrated by traditional counselling that lacks true inclusivity, you are not alone. I offer support that is driven by empathy, inclusion and awareness of intersectionality as well as true allyship.